Her name was Nicole the second time I met her. I remember inching closer and closer towards her while sitting on the concrete waiting for the bus. She had decided to wear her hair down, lipstick, and a pair of high heeled boots. I wanted to say something, but I couldn’t figure out what I wanted to say. It was weird that somehow I felt safer with her than I did the day before. On that day, she wasn’t Nicole at all- she was Chris. On that day, Chris kept wanting to talk to me about the weather and how I was going to fly away due to my small stature. I don’t talk to men at bus stops. But because Nicole was around, I didn’t see a man.
“Are you gonna sit there and stare or do you wanna talk?” She asked.
I apologized and started to make small talk. About the weather. I didn’t feel so timid after a while.
“You know,” she started, “you don’t seem so shy talking to me now.”
I lowered my eyes. “I don’t talk to men at bus stops.”
For the next three months, we talked a lot about her family and how she loved her wife and children. Her children loved her so much that they proudly fought any kid that made fun of her. She showed me her I.D. once. “I fought for this after I started taking hormones.” she proclaimed while pointing to the gender (female) on the card. She talked about how she couldn’t find a stable job because of who she was and her drug addictions. I felt bad for her, but she told me not to be because she didn’t feel bad for herself at all. We talked about any and everything and she gave me her views on what she thought people really needed in this world. “Two sets of clothes. One for interviews and one for everyday use. And five close family and friends. It’s all you need in this world- nothing else really matters.”
About a week before my birthday, I invited her out on a school trip to a museum in Baltimore and then some lunch to celebrate my birthday. I gave her directions and she agreed to go. She never came, and the following week I was expecting her to be at the bus stop, but she wasn’t there. For the next 4 weeks I asked a few people who knew her if they’d seen her, and I got a collective “No.” On the fifth week I found out from someone that she went back to jail for getting into a fight with some bigot- she broke her probation period.
I haven’t seen her since, but every time I look at the plastic toy bee she gave me, I think of her and hope she and her family are getting by.